I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
