I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
