know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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