peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
