Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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