yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
