if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
