She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
