that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
