We named our party play list daddy issues
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
