I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
