he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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