I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She's the barista slut.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
