she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
