the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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