every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
