Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
