Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
