pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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