rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
