WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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