i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
