I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
