have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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