I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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