I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
