I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
