I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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