between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
