A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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