He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
