I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
