I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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