My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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