Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
