I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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