I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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