We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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