I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
