have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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