If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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