Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
