2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
