They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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