The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
