she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
