Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So many bounce houses so little time
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
