paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
