If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
