I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
