Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
