I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
