Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
