he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
