The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
